I never could understand the reasons that drove me to gamble and how I could excessively immerse myself in the habit.
Over time, I just succumbed to the habit that made me lose my wife and children. Those close to me could never have anticipated this happening to me. I am now going to retell my story and describe how the gaming tables destroyed my life. With the passage of the days, I have never stopped regretting what I did.
 
I was born and grew up in the North of Vietnam. Life was so difficult back then because our country was enduring war. The warfare removed entertainment sources from young people of the day, and they resorted to gambling on the streets as their recreation.
 
I was one of the people who joined those crowds regularly to gamble, I rarely missed a day. Our province lacked community facilities and programs, life was considered dull and looking back, many of us
wasted our teenage years.
 
No longer able to withstand the warfare, my family and I fled Vietnam and took refuge in Hong Kong. Hong Kong was a wealthy city and many international ships made port there.
 
Our lives changed dramatically, and we were sent to the Transit Centre where living conditions were much better than those we had in Vietnam.
 
Gambling in the city was also abundant but I wasn’t interested because I gravitated towards the city life. Back then life was so beautiful for me; I managed to sustain a job and a decent income. I felt empowered and was happy with my life.
 
 After spending seven months in Hong Kong, we travelled to Australia. I was welcomed by the splendid Melbourne season of spring. This was another turning point in my life, and I embraced it wholly. I enjoyed the warm rays of sunshine, and I experienced great
happiness, ready to accept any challenges that may await me.
 
I soon acquired a position in a weaving factory that was owned by an Italian. I found that the work was highly suited to me and I stayed there for three years.
 
This was a chance for me to learn about the
people and customs of this new country. I started my own family and had three children, two boys and one
girl. I felt that my children were so lucky to live in a democratic country where civil freedoms were enshrined in the law and protected.
 
I felt incredibly proud and wanted to honour the
opportunities that Australia provided, promising myself that I would be a respectable citizen by fulfilling my responsibility of being a good father. The purpose of my life was clearly defined at this stage,
and I was continually grateful for it. I was pleased that my children were growing up in a healthy environment with love.
 
However the next sequence of events came unexpectedly. As old Vietnamese proverbs say, it follows that one can never be certain about how to prepare for the effects of an approaching storm.
 
In 1995-1996 the Crown Casino opened. It was an intriguing place and my father in law frequented the gaming floors for entertainment. I used to drive him there and after some time, I joined him. I soon
developed a gaming strategy that involved reducing the betting amount in order not to lose too much but this tended to fail.
 
 I managed to lose both my own and my mother’s savings. One instance that illustrates how the gambling took a hold of me was when I forgot to pick my children up from school. As a result of my

 
negligence, my children waited alone in the schoolyard, I felt so guilty.
 
Owing to the fact that I became obsessed with chasing my increasing losses, I didn’t remember the date of my child’s birthday party. I dare say I developed a mental illness and I wasn’t eating or sleeping well.
 
In the end, when I had depleted our entire savings, I
was forced to go to court that sentenced me to a Community Based Order. Afterwards I landed myself in prison for four months as my gambling did not cease and I continued to commit crimes to feed
my addiction.
 
After my ordeal with the courts and prison, I received support from the Gambler’s Help Program. However my gambling habit did not extinguish, it just continued to start and stop repeatedly.
 
I suffered immensely and even thought of suicide in order to reduce harming my loved ones. I entered into an exclusion agreement, which was designed to keep me away from the Casino’s vicinity.
I
failed miserably in upholding this agreement and people’s trust in me deteriorated. I felt that I was a failure and could shed no light for other gamblers as I believed there was no hope of changing my ways.
 
I was desperate and due to losing my family as a result of all this, I had no-one to turn to. Living by myself, I often thought of my once beautiful life in the past, and never in my wildest imagination
could have predicted the consequences.  I wept because my foolish behaviour had destroyed everything I held dear.
 
All evidence of the life I had created for myself in Australia had disappeared and I had nothing. I confined myself to a four walled prison cell and decided that I had no direction for my life; my only hope lay in prayer, prayer that my future would take a turn for the better.
 
It was so difficult for me to regain the determination to want to redeem myself, but it was the thought of my children’s futures that motivated me. Gambling had changed me drastically and caused me to think irrationally. I thought that the mental problems of gambling addicts arose from the desire for a big win and nothing more.
 
I learnt that in order for one to avoid becoming an obsessive gambler when spending time in the casinos, time limits must be adhered by and that only a little money should be taken.
 
I made a vow that I would steer away from the casino at all costs and that I would change to better myself, in order to become a formidable citizen in society.
 
The sorrow caused by my gambling gradually receded
into the past. The nightmares I endured are now a distant memory, and the lesson I learnt from the dreadful gambling reverberates in my mind. I had to fight the desperation in order to prevent the loss
of my family and the feelings of loneliness and establish a clear direction for my life.
 
My gambling habit has come under control, and it is gradually weakening. I have now found a balance in my life and I live healthily and think positively. I have even begun exercising, and every morning I go for a brisk walk around my block feeling happy and
energised.
 
I look back on the diaries entries I had penned and they reminded me of the sorrow in the past, the nightmare I was living, it all reminds me of how fortunate I am now and deters me from ever
wandering down that terrible pathway again.
C.L