A Ray of Sunshine
“Father! Which pair of socks should I wear?” Hoa ignored his child’s question as he occupied himself with making the children’s breakfasts and lunches.
However, minutes after he heard Huong’s voice sending out from her room: “Dad, I cannot wear my dress.” It seemed that Hoa could no longer ignore her and was obliged to pause what he was doing and respond to his child’s calls.
Hoa instinctively knew that his wife Lan, was asleep, as she gambled at the Casino very late last night, leaving Hoa to care for the children.
“Hurry up; after I drop you off at school, I have to go to work for an early meeting,” Hoa urged his children.
Hoa’s son Binh queried:
“What’s the meeting for Dad?”
Concerned about lateness, Hoa sharply answered:
“When you are a grownup, you will know”.
Hoa recognised that the boy was unsatisfied with the response; he adopted a more relaxed tone:
“There are two more days before the school holidays, after work this evening I’ll buy a gift for you to give to your teacher”.
Encouraged by the prospect of gifts, the two children contested raising their voices:
“Please buy one for me as well Dad!”
“I want Barbie!”
“I want a Nintendo DS”.
It had been over half a year that Hoa had been looking after the two kids on his own. Binh was four and attends kindergarten, while Huong was just two. Both of them had been going to the same child care centre near their home from the early morning until
6pm after Hoa had finished work.
At home, Hoa routinely helped the kids wash and fixed dinner before putting them to bed. At times
when he felt tired, Hoa blamed Lan for turning her back on the children. Hoa was surprised at how the priorities of a loving wife and mother could shift so suddenly.
With an elder sister, Hoa managed to escape his war torn country and, risking everything to secure his freedom, eventually settled in Australia. Following his dangerous experience, Hoa sponsored his parents and his remaining three siblings in order to relieve their
plight and have them join him in Australia.
Unfortunately, Hoa’s father passed away just two months after flying to Australia, due to a cerebral haemorrhage. Hoa’s sisters all got married and Hoa was the only spouseless one left in the family. His mother worried for him as he passed the age of forty.
Despite many organised introductions to women, Hoa had not singled any of them out as potential partners. Everyone in the family conceded that Hoa was a difficult man, but he disagreed.
During his university days, he got to know a few girls, but, most likely due to his quiet and timid nature which was somehow similar to that of his father, he had not displayed his affection openly enough to encourage an inviting signal from anyone. As a consequence he was not approached.
However success struck when Hoa’s aunt in Vietnam introduced him to a friend’s daughter, Lan. Every time his aunt rang him from Vietnam, she praised Lan and complimented her loveliness and way she cared for the family.
His aunt also said that Lan was found agreeable by many men, but she had not accepted anyone. In his first visit to Vietnam, Hoa was taken by his aunt to see Lan’s family and was properly introduced.
Lan was the eldest sister in the family and the youngest one had recently completed year 12 and was currently employed by a foreign company.
Lan had helped her mother in a trading business and in completing domestic work while looking after her younger sisters. In effect, Lan had ignored how quickly youth speed by and it quickly escaped her.
Hoa formed no impression of Lan during this first meeting, all except for her irregular tooth and an assumption of her being quiet.
After returning to Australia, Hoa kept contact with Lan and for about one year before he seeking his mother’s permission to return to Vietnam ask for Lan’s hand in marriage.
Hoa faced no objection from his family in his marital decision, except his sister who expressed some concerns as she had witnessed quite a few scenes of painful confrontation.
Hoa’s mother seemed to love her son, and she made
sure that he had her full confidence in deciding to marry Lan. Hoa’s younger siblings were happy as he had no longer to live his life according to the Vietnamese song “My lonely life!”
Hoa’s marital ceremonies were held in a simple but friendly form soon after Lan arrived in Australia. This was to relieve Lan of experiencing homesickness and sadness being in a new country.
The house that the couple bought was financed by the savings that Hoa had accumulated prior to marrying. The house was the means for building a new family and the birth of their first son followed one year thereafter.
Hoa enjoyed great happiness with his wife and new son. However, things drastically changed following the birth of their second child Huong. With an air of misery, Lan suggested to her husband that she ought to find employment in order to help Hoa with the family’s finances.
In order to satisfy his wife’s proposal, Hoa sought out a relative who helped Lan gain a part time job in a paper manufacturing factory. However Lan’s new job proved to be to the detriment of the family, and it resulted in compromising the family’s happiness.
Lan often spoke sharply with the children but Hoa thought that this was just the manifestation of the tiredness she felt from work. Hoa often probed Lan for reasons why she would arrive home so late at night.
Lan explained that she was required to work more hours owing to increasing work loads.
Lan ceased to take the children to the park near home at the weekends, but often slept instead. Hoa suspected that his wife might have been unfaithful and engaged in an affair, but this suspicion was abandoned after he failed to detect changes to Lan’s dress sense. When the bank statements and his wife’s mobile phone bills arrived, Hoa was totally in shock, as time and dates printed could be correlated only to time spent at the Crown Casino!
Hoa was very disappointed in Lan and often questioned her, but she excused herself by saying that she had only gone for fun with her workmates.
Hoa suspected that his wife had formed an addiction
and investigated services that could assist her. Hoa found a Help line that was free of charge
(1800 156 789) that was the government funded.
Hoa was certain that people rarely acquired great wealth through gambling and that the only sure winners were the owners of the gambling facilities!
Gamblers were always anxious to recover losses
and in rush to satisfy their addiction, they often overlooked the fact that more chances arose for them to lose in attempting to reclaim their losses!
There had been many who sold their houses, and
consequently destroyed their families to feed a spiralling gambling addiction.
News reports often revealed cases of employees deceiving their employers by, stealing company’s money to fund their addiction.
In one instance, a gambler surrendered their humanity, killing a workmate to obtain money to sustain his gambling addiction!
Despite her husband’s cautionary words, the family’s happiness slipped in Lan’s ranks of importance. Lan continued her unhealthy pattern of gambling. The following series of events has been ingrained into Hoa’s permanent memory.
It was in a Tuesday evening, and Hoa had unexpectedly received a phone call from the child care center alerting him to the fact that the centre’s closing time was approaching and that the children hadn’t been picked up.
Hoa immediately left work to pick up his children all while conjuring distressing scenarios involving Lan in some sort of an accident. He phoned his wife continuously but to no avail. Hoa waited for Lan to come home, when Lan appeared with an exhausted expression on her face. Hoa could not suppress his anger, and addressed his wife coldly.
In defence of her actions, Lan responded sharply and
challenged that Australian law protected personal freedoms. Hoa felt deeply pained and grew weary of Lan’s inappropriate behaviour.
Hoa even felt that the newly evolved Lan was not the Lan that he loved and married. Communication between the couple was at a standstill and Hoa looked after the children.
After work, he rushed to pick them up and on the way home; he stopped by the market to buy food. On one occasion, Hoa’s mother, who was visiting, questioned Lan’s absence.
Hoa lied to his mother and said that Lan was working, out of shame for her actions. Hoa tried concealing his wife’s problems from his family, but the truth was uncovered.
An acquaintance of the family had met Lan at the Casino very late one night and informed Hoa’s mother of the encounter. She immediately phoned her son and scolded him about why he permitted Lan’s appalling behaviour.
Hoa was hurt and did not know how to respond, other than to be polite throughout his mother’s criticism which made up the majority of their conversation.
In a sense, Hoa was grieving the loss of his wife, who had now become a stranger. When Binh asked why they could not celebrate birthdays with family gatherings enjoying cake as his friends did, Hoa explained to his children that because their mother was busy with work, she could not do the same for them.
Although he was upset at her, Hoa partially blamed himself for his wife’s decline. He loved his wife dearly and had helped her to find work which consequently caused her to change for the worst.Hoa reassured himself that encouraging Lan to rethink her irrational and unhealthy behaviour would save their family. Hoa began by exploring and found that there were many pathways of assistance such as
seeing a gambling counsellor on a one-to one basis.
Counselling could also be provided to a group of gambling addicts, who have the opportunity to share personal experiences and these forms of assistance have been proven to be effective. Another course of
assistance involves seeing a doctor who can make a referral to a psychological specialist for personal counselling, which is funded by Victorian Government for up to 12 free sessions.
Hoa thought of Lan’s quiet character and thought that this method of treatment would be the most suitable for her.
For the sake of the family’s happiness and the children, Hoa tried his best to help Lan to return to her old ways, the Lan that loved her family.
The clock struck six o’clock and Hoa hurriedly bundled his paperwork to leave in order to be punctual attending the end of year celebrations at Binh’s school.
Next year he was moving up to “Prep”. Hoa stopped somewhere to buy a gift for his teacher as well, as their token of appreciation. On arrival, Hoa saw student’s parents crowded in the hall and then
approached the front to let Binh knows that his father was present to see him and his friends singing. As he walked, he slowed down when he saw Lan with Huong in her arms.
Astonished, Hoa took the seat next to his wife. In recognising her Dad, Huong stretched out her arms and boasted:
“Dad, Mum has just bought the Barbie and Dora dolls for me here!”
Having not talked to his wife for a long time, Hoa asked: “Didn’t you go to a certain ‘place’ today?”
After a long pause, Hoa heard his wife softly respond:
“Today is the end of school year for Binh, I couldn’t have missed it.”
Hoa felt warmth in his heart, and reached to grasp his wife’s hand firmly. As Binh saw his parents, he raised his tiny hand waving and smiling, and in doing so, exposed his missing teeth.
Q.U
Melbourne
February 2008